Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let people get to me? Why do I let myself love people that never seem to be able to return that love? Am I just walking around with a sign on my forehead that says " Abuse me." ?
How am I supposed to continue on with my life,make it better for myself, when I just keep repeating the past?
Maybe broken souls just attract other broken souls. Maybe those souls are so desperate to be fixed, to be whole that they seek each other out. The trouble with that is the pieces don't ever truly fit, do they?
I feel so much more these days...
love, hurt, pain, sadness, happiness, confusion
The love is amazing! I have never in my life felt so much love for a man.I have never wanted, or needed someone so much in my life. I can't even begin to describe how powerfully moving it is.
Maybe such a great love is why I feel so much more of the pain.
I am so confused. How can there be such a feeling of intimacy, like we share so much of ourselves with each other, and yet that is the one thing that I am missing. How can I feel like he loves me, every bit of me. The good and bad, and then in just the time it takes to draw a single breath, I feel like he is trying to hurt me.
I think the thing that makes me the saddest of all are the moments when I feel like I am living my past over again. Those moments when the things he says or doesn't say and does or doesn't do are the very things, the very reasons I finally ran from my past to begin with. It's so sad to me because he knows. He knows exactly how I feel.
In the end, I gave him the ability to love me or hurt me. I gave him this power over me.
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