Life feels unbearable right now. Things are becoming dramatic with the ex again. He loves to call me names and tear me down...even after all this time. Even knowing it is all he has...just hateful words...they still hurt.
Then there is this whole heartbreaking mess between myself, the BF, and an old love who has recently resurfaced. I can't even get into that whole situation. I'm sorry. I sound like such a tease. My heart has no idea what it wants these days. Or maybe it does, but my head doesn't agree with it. Either way I have wound up in a crazy limbo while old love figures out how he feels.The BF is just patiently waiting for an outcome...who is this man?? Who just waits? Doesn't that just tell me all I need to know?
On top of the relationship drama stressing me out... I have a job with the pay I have been hoping for, amazing co-workers, weekends off (for now) and I hate it. It is physically exhausting and with everything else going on in my life I feel so run down. No... I actually am run down. My kidneys are fighting back against all the stress I am under. My white cell count is up, but no signs of infection...I feel like I have been beat up. Now it's antibiotics to start trying to get this under control, painkillers so I don't just keel over from agony, and tests on top of tests.
I keep saying that all I want is peace in my life. No drama. Just love, peace and happiness.
I am sorry. I know this has been a really trying time in your life. :( At some point, it will all be perfect and wonderful, and you will look back on this time and shudder a little...but also be glad it happened because it led you to wherever you end up, which is exactly where you are supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteThe BF does sound pretty awesome. Damnit.
I am thinking about you!